the In-Betweens

Since 2018 began, I’ve felt this next shift happening inside me. A quest-ion that I feel myself consistently wrapping back to. A curiosity of understanding. A feeling that I will be shown the steps in due time but right now, they’re invisible. It’s like eggs maturating inside me. I know they’re there, growing, ripening, and I don’t have to do any WORK. I can just BE and let things unfold.

This is the feminine that is so hard for many of us athletes. Patience. Waiting. Softness. The PULL versus the push. The in-betweens. When I finally relax into this energy, I feel exhausted with all the masculine pushing I’ve been doing lately and wonder what it’s all for.

Why am I here?
What the fuck do I do to help anyone?
So and so is just doing it better, faster, bigger, I should just quit.
Does it even matter at all?

Then I came across this picture tonight while looking for photos to send out. It stopped me in my tracks. It lit up my heart and soul. It makes me want to cry. Thank you for the awesome moment captured Erin of The Leo Loves <3. 

This is the in-between in physical form. Feelings I’ve been feeling right here in front of me and now you. You see me, I’m setting my feet, raising the bell into position for the next pose for Erin to snap.

My mind is racing with, “What other moves should I fucking do in this short time we have?!” haha oh so masculine of me. There’s no label here, no wrongness or judgement. It’s my truth. I constantly flow with the inspiration of masculine energy. It is my path in this life to find the dance with the feminine. To embrace and ask for more and relish these in-between moments just as much, if not more!, then the action many of us love to create. Ever hear we’re “human beings” not “human doings”?

The problem is that action jackson isn’t sustainable, woman. Doing, going, forging only serves us for so long before we must rest. This applies to all that we are. Our physical bodies need sleep for optimal recovery. Our souls need play and joy for replenishment. Our moon cycles force this of us every month. Hormones guide us into introspection, reflection, inspiration, action, REPEAT. We’re sooo fucking lucky!! Sorry bros.

Applied to pregnancy and birth, you went HARD. You’re a bad ass babe and now, rest with that babe. All of you needs recovery and replenishment. Its your in-between time. You’ll get back to movement and training, sure. Let’s learn from this space and peace first before moving too quickly on to the next. Let’s rest, be easy. Doesn’t it feel good to just be in the right now focusing all our attention on being in our bodies in this very moment? If it doesn’t, that’s cool, it takes practice and that’s a whole ‘nother blog post. 🙂

As I reflect on what all this means….I just don’t have all the pieces together yet. I’m asking the questions listed above because it’s my time to reflect on all the work!!! They’re not bad or negative thoughts, they’re my intuition leading me to the answers I seek. So let’s rest and explore shall we? (“It’s okay, it’s okay to relax, soften, pause, I PROMISE!” – my self talk right now.)

I have the strong feeling that there is more to motherhood then just specific, adapted programming for pregnancy and postpartum recovery. There is more beyond training the body correctly and safely. It’s what this specificity allows the woman; freedom (from convention, pain/aches, cultural stigmas, fear), accessibility of power (lift heavy shit and see how you feel after!), courage (in self, body, choices), safety (in self). If we train the body properly, can we access our power more quickly, more frequently, more often? The trunk IS our power center for movement, is it also our power center for other aspects of our lives?

During pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and postpartum exercise, what if we are intentional, softer, focused, flowier, easier on our nervous system in our exercise training? With more intention on the breath, the space, the beauty of the in-between? And could this inspire better outcomes in all physical, mental, emotional, spiritual areas in mothers and babes?

And I have an idea of what this training looks like….ooh yeah, I’m on to something here…. 🙂

I’m going to go discover some more cool shit by writing this out further. Thanks for reading and please add to the conversation!

Love ya,